January 22, 2004

The new U.S. Armed Forces Identification cards have a chip in them. They are "Smart Cards" - and if you are trying to think of a way to create a new Oxymoron out of that, trust me, its been done. Anyway, the chip on mine is this little gold leaf looking thing that looks a little bit like it belongs on the side of a Vulcan "Bird of Prey" space ship or something. Somehow this tiny bit of metal stores my navy.mil login credentials, my digital certificates, my Exchange and Commisary benefit levels and a whole host of other information about me. It also has the added bonus of the ability to trigger every doorway loss prevention alarm at every Walgreens, Target, Barnes & Noble and Electron Hut in the nation. Fortunately for me, in the same manner that people now completely ignore car alarms, I am left completely alone when exiting said places of business, setting off a whirl of sirens and lights each time. Not once has any employee or law enforcement officer even so much as given me a second glance. I wonder why. I have a theory...I am a white guy with very short hair. I have seen Target employees rush out after people that have set off the alarm before, and now that I think about it - none of the customers they pursued were white guys with really short hair. I think I may be on to something here. Is this not approaching a level of trust of white guys with crew cuts that seems intoxicating? The power to corrupt is infinite, and I feel like it is my duty to take advantage of what I perceive as complete and unabashed racial profiling. I could probably walk out of Target with a snowblower with out even so much as a blink from those that should prevent me. Anyone want a new DVD player?

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