There is nothing better than a good blonde joke - wow, nice straight-man lead in for a really, REALLY good joke there huh?
Apparently the best blonde jokes are lifted right from the diaries of blondes themselves. This showed up in my inbox today.
Dear Diary,
Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with that
expensive double-pane energy efficient kind, but this week, I
got a call from the contractor who installed them. He was complaining that
the work had been completed a whole year ago and I hadn't paid for them.
Hellloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am
automatically stupid. So, I told him just what his fast talking
sales guy had told ME last year,.....namely, that in ONE YEAR these windows
would pay for themselves!
Helllooooo? It's been a year! (I told him.)
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I
finally just hung up.... He didn't call back.
Guess I won that stupid argument.
*silence again*
May 16, 2006
May 12, 2006
Happy Mother's Day
Happy Mother's Day Moms.
THE MOMMY TEST
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," ..I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."
"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.
And as a Dad, I must say that this is entirely true. There's no way I could pass that test.
THE MOMMY TEST
I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
"Why?" my daughter asked.
"Because it's been laying outside, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied.
At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?"
"Uh," ..I was thinking quickly, "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy."
We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test you have to be the daddy."
"Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face and joy in my heart.
And as a Dad, I must say that this is entirely true. There's no way I could pass that test.
USA Today Question & Answers
Apparently nothing needs to be kept secret anymore. Here it is, the full gouge on the what the NSA is doing with your phone number.
*yawn*
*yawn*
Anger grows over Bush surveillance report
You don't own your phone number
The phone company has not violated anyone's privacy. When you make a phone call, you don't own the number or the technology that takes your voice to the other end. You have the expectation of privacy as to what you actually say, as long as you aren't saying it to someone in another country with established ties to terrorism. There should be no expectation of privacy as to the number you called, the number that called you or how long and on what date that conversation occurred. All of that data belongs to the telephone company and they can do what they want with it.
All of you people that insist on diluting the power of the intelligence community, forcing them to make public all of the secret methods by which they PROTECT you, day in and day out, should be ashamed of yourselves. When the day comes, and it will if we continue on this track, when America is attacked again, the blood of the innocents will be on your hands. When you ask YOUR Government why they did nothing to prevent it...when you demand answers as to why WE didn't see this coming, why didn't WE have the intelligence to stop this horrible atrocity, guess what we are going to say? Because YOU crippled us. You took away our eyes, our ears and our INTELLIGENCE. You killed those people.
The phone company has not violated anyone's privacy. When you make a phone call, you don't own the number or the technology that takes your voice to the other end. You have the expectation of privacy as to what you actually say, as long as you aren't saying it to someone in another country with established ties to terrorism. There should be no expectation of privacy as to the number you called, the number that called you or how long and on what date that conversation occurred. All of that data belongs to the telephone company and they can do what they want with it.
All of you people that insist on diluting the power of the intelligence community, forcing them to make public all of the secret methods by which they PROTECT you, day in and day out, should be ashamed of yourselves. When the day comes, and it will if we continue on this track, when America is attacked again, the blood of the innocents will be on your hands. When you ask YOUR Government why they did nothing to prevent it...when you demand answers as to why WE didn't see this coming, why didn't WE have the intelligence to stop this horrible atrocity, guess what we are going to say? Because YOU crippled us. You took away our eyes, our ears and our INTELLIGENCE. You killed those people.
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